I am not sure what has been going on with me lately. I am struggling to figure out where I belong. I have amazing friends who are always there for me but lately I don’t feel like being around people. I am sure with everything going on with my job and my health that is a part of the problem. If you have ever worked for a program for a few years and built friends with your coworkers and then took the supervisor position it’s hard to figure out to make it all work.
I have always been that person to never feels good enough. I convince myself a lot that the people in my life are there out of sympathy. Logically I know this is probably not true but growing up being molested it really kills your ability to not look at everyone in your life and wondering what they will want from me eventually. I continue to work on this in therapy but I worry I will never feel secure in my relationship or in my ability to nurture a relationship. Oh well I will continue faking it until I make it. I missed therapy today and apparently I needed it this week. This has been a great way to process my thoughts.