It has been a long time since I have logged into my blog account. I have been avoiding it for sometime now. The last month or month in a half have been rough. I find myself second guessing myself 20 times a day every day in everything I do. I know this is a good outlet for me so why I made the choice to ignore one of the things that have helped me the most I do not know. I plan to force myself to write at least 3 days a week to deal.
Over the last couple of weeks I have been reminding myself to take care of me. I have gotten back to taking my medications more consistently then I have been over the last month. I have also gave up the cigarettes but to do this I have started to vape. It is a good start and I plan to start bringing myself down in the nicotine and give up everything. I also took the chance and talked to my husband to explain that my needs are not being met in our relationship. We talked and came up with a plan. It has been 21 years and I am not ready to give up on that.
Therapy has been pretty rough over the last couple of months also. While we have not dealt with my trauma as of late we have been working on the affects that have surfaced since I started this journey. Have you ever thought about whether or not you are weird and if other people have the same thoughts and struggles. I always thought my in securities and sometimes childish behaviors were things that only I deal with. You have no idea what kind of a relief it felt to know that I am not alone. The hardest part was admitting out loud and to myself that I am not as put together as I like others to think I am. Therapy is again tomorrow and I am looking forward to it. I want to keep exploring myself and learning more about why I deal with things the way I do. Don’t worry I plan to get on tomorrow and talk about any new revelations I come up with. For now Good Night!