I have not written a post in a long while. I have been spending time working out a new realization I have had. If you have read my other posts then you will probably get this. For the many years I was groomed there were certain things I was told over and over again that I couldn’t do. If you have ever been in a situation that you were controlled and manipulated I know you can appreciate where I was and am at. I was never allowed to cut my hair and OMG the first time I went and did this my life was hell. He wouldn’t talk to me for weeks. Maybe I should have been happy when he would not talk to me for weeks but because of all the manipulation I would beg him to forgive me and talk to me again. For the longest time I thought this was screwed on my side, but slowly I am realizing that it was not just my fault. I have not been able to give up all the fault, but I continue to work on that and hopefully one day I will be able to let go completely! I’m the mean time I am going to continue doing all the things I have always wanted to do. I will be person who in her forties finally figures out whAt she wants. FYI I plan to start coming back and writing more again. This outlet has been hard for a little while but I am ready to continue.