One day at a time

This week has been so emotionally exhausting! This week brought so much uncertainty and fear that I didn’t know whether I was coming or going. As you probably remember I have been married almost 21 years and on Monday I was ready to call it quits. My husband came home and we got into a fight. A fight that led to me walking out the door and going to a friends house for the night. I have never walked out on my marriage before but I knew I had to leave or I feared we would hurt each other with our words and not be able to come back from that. Ok I told myself that I would be completely honest here. It was more then words my husband for the first time in 21 years scared me when he slammed his fists down on a table and threw his wedding ring at me. I picked a bag and went to my friends home and cried until the tears dried up. We stayed up half the night talking. Never once was I judged about the situation or was a suggestion made for me to leave my husband. Of course I didn’t sleep at all that night my head just kept swimming around the what if’s. The thought of being alone and doing this life on my own was scary to say the least. The next day I went to work and tried to do the best I could to get through the day. I didn’t make it to long I couldn’t focus and I couldn’t keep the tears at bay. I ended up leaving and heading home. The drive home was okay but getting home I struggled to get myself to go in. My home has always been my safe place and after the night before it no longer was safe for me. It took me about 10 minutes to talk myself into going into the apartment. I messaged a friend as I stood there in fear. This friend was able to validate my fears and talk to me until I was able to open that door. Now to wait until my husband got home…

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