Exhausted

This week continues to be a struggle. I would love to curl up in my bed with the covers over my head and just say fuck the world. I continue to be on a roller coaster with my emotions. I keep asking myself am I doing enough, what more do I do, do I have more in me? These questions continue to spin in my head. I think I have an answer but then the next go around I think about it again and those what if’s come around. It would be so much easier if it was just the same situation and problem going around and around. I keep second guess everything in my life. I think about the people in my life and wonder why I am digging my feet in. I think about my marriage and how I get that back on track. I think about my job and know that I have not given as much as I normally do lately. I feel like I am only half way living any single part of my life. There is a lot of easy ways out and damn I am seriously close to just taking the easy way out. Looking at all these areas of my life my marriage is the one that is front and center, and I know how to fix that. All I need to do is walk away from the outside distractions, go back to the person who put her marriage first before anything else, be that person my husband feel in love with. I think I could be that person again, the person who goes to work and comes home and takes care of her home and her husband. I was that person for so long and at times it would be so much easier. Maybe that’s what I need because if I do this that is what I have done and know for years things would probably settle back down. That could be the one part of my life I can manage then. Guess I just need to continue figuring this out….

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