Flashbacks

Have you ever experienced flashbacks, if so then you will know just how horrible they can be! Then you can turn around and add nightmares to that flashback situation. These instances can cause a person stress, depression, and fear. As things have been more stressful lately I am having an increase in these issues. I had been experiencing less PTSD symptoms but as my regular life is more stressful then so becomes the PTSD issues. I know this is a temporary situation and that things will balance out again soon it’s still hard to function at times and remain the person that the people around me expect me to be. Lately I am hearing my abusers voices louder in my head. Do you have any idea how hard it is to hear things like: “You can’t leave me no one will want you like i do.” “We will be together forever because the only person who would want you will only want for sex.” “Your a slut so just suck my dick.” These just stay with me. Most of the time i can keep them quiet but when stress sneaks in there is no more control. With everything going on in my marriage and the current relationship struggles that come with that just reinforce those voices. You know I have never said this out loud but it was easier just dealing with my abusers sexually assaulting me then it is to hear these words over and over again. The harder I try and fight back the loud they get. I wish I knew how to take back my control completely. Therapy has brought me a long way but I still have a lot more to go. The worse part is that my groomer is dead and the other one I have no idea if he is alive or dead but inside of me they are still alive and squeezing the happiness out of me. I second guess everyone in my life because I still believe there will always be a catch. My husband, family, and friends are all people I have some fear in and that is the worse feeling anyone should have to feel. The dead should not be allowed to continue to control and manipulate me but…

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