Today is not the day!

I am sitting here on my couch knowing that once again I put myself in a space that isn’t ok. Here is the deal though I really don’t care. I skipped therapy and absolutely do not plan to leave my couch. I know my therapy today was important and I know when I am like this I should go. To bad not interested. I don’t need my therapist to tell me what my deal is or help me figure out what to do. I know what I need to do now I just have to help myself but the bullet and just do it. No do not read more into this.

Today I am missing the life I use to have. I miss the times when no one counted on me. The times when no one knew I just sat in my house and avoided the world outside my four walls. In those days I didn’t know I was lonely and isolated. No one got hurt or angry or frustrated with me. My husband was use to it so it worked for us. He was my life and my world.

I love my work it gives me a sense of purpose. My team and my consumers are important to me, I couldn’t have kids so I have put all that effort into those around me. I am off this week and I shouldn’t be thinking of work but how do you stop when work has been so life changing for me. I need to figure out how to balance work, my marriage, and getting back to basics. All I want right now is to protect myself. Ugh sorry this post is all over the place. I’m struggling to feel safe and okay suddenly and it has been awhile since I have felt this. How do I get back to that feeling. At least at home and with my husband I feel safe again and that makes a big difference. Maybe this week off what needed more then I realized. Okay that’s enough for now. I think I will nap…

Published by jenniebowyer3350

Hello I am a strong woman who has experience trauma and disappointment. I thought my story and dreams are over but that might now be the case...

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