Let’s first reflect back on 21 years of marriage. I think about our lives and it shocks me we are even still together. We have faced so many challenges in our time together. I remember one of first big struggles and this was us learning that children would not be possible for u. This took me a long time to deal with it myself and the fear that
As I sit here before midnight I find myself reflecting back in the day and the years before. Today my husband and I celebrated 21 years of marriage! I don’t know where the time has soon because I don’t feel that I am first that old or second have spent so many years of my life with this one person.
Looking back at the last 21 years it’s amazing to me how much we have dealt with and manages to survive. First thing I reflect on is the time when we realized that having having children of our own was not going to be an option for us. I dealt with so many emotions during this time. First thinking that what kind of wife could I bet when I can’t provide the one thing that woman dream about. Second thought that I dealt with for many years and I think still struggle with it that guilt that Jamie did not get to be the amazing father I know he would have been.
I also remember the times where I was a stay at home wife (honestly this was still during my isolation time) and I would travel with Jamie. Damn I remember how badly that ended! The fights we would have because we would each other crazy!
The biggest struggle we have had lately is our huge fight a few months ago. For the first time in our marriage I walked out in my husband instead of staying and fighting I walked away. Yes it was only for a night but if I did not walk away I don’t think we would be here today. Every day is still a work in progress. We still spend a lot of time taking about our problems, which is not easy! The hard part during this time is the fact that my husband told me that he misses the woman I was when we first got together and is finding it hard to deal with all my changes. I got that and with uncharacteristic patients I kept talking and explaining. Then hard part was finding the way to explain it so he would understand it. Thankfully I found the way to explain it and he is working hard to except all the new parts of me! I love my husband totally and completely and while things are not completely fixed so are certainly moving in the right direction!
Another thing I am thankful for is that for the first time in many years I had a family Thanksgiving. Today was a good reminder that it’s very precious to meet people who become not just friends but friends who become family. Having a family thanksgiving was amazing and heart lifting. It was also a good reminder that the important people are there when you need them those are the people who are family. I have many friends and those people are very important in my life but they are just that friends. I love and appreciate my bestie Ashlee no matter what she is there. Thank you for being my person Ashlee!
I can’t wait to see what this next year brings for my marriage, my friendships, and the continued change in myself! Happy Thanksgiving!