Merry Christmas or not

For most people this time of year is their favorite. I use to be that person but not so much any more. I think many families have that one person that is the glue. When that person is no longer there and there is no one there to step up into the role everything changes.

I remember so many great things growing up in my large very loud family. Christmas Eve was one of my favorites. That was always the night we were at grandma’s house. You would walk into her house and it smelled so good! She would make the best sugar cookies and so much candy. She would have a spread of food and we would eat and talk. My favorite time was after dinner. We would sit down and play Royal Rummy. We would play for hours and some of the best stories would be told during these hours.

My second favorite part of the holiday was Christmas Day. After our family had their Christmas morning together it was time to go visit the rest of the family. My mom was one of 10 kids. There say was busy going from house to house. There would be some kind of yummy items to taste and enjoy. The kiddos would show off what they got for gifts. This would go on all day. So much fun and memories made.

I wish I could say it was always great but there is a reason this didn’t continue once my grandma was gone. As I got older I was able to see that not every person in my family provided great memories. In fact some of my family was down right scary. I made the decision to separate myself from my family. My family is not a safe place to land. I hate that I had to make that choice because on days like today I’m pretty fucking lonely. These are the days I think about reaching out but at the end of the day i know I would regret opening myself up to this again.

Please if you are lucky enough to have a great family please hold on to this and appreciate how lucky you are. For me I keeping moving forward and can’t wait for these days to be gone.

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