Nothing is Ever Easy

This year just continues to be a kick in the ass! I am so over everything. This was suppose to be a great year minus a few challenges. It has been anything but.

Let’s not even talk about the obvious issues with COVID and the other issues society is facing. That should be enough but of course it isn’t the end of the things that have continued to suck this year.

February my mom comes home we find out she has stage 4 cancer. She starts treatment feels like crap and just recently stopped all treatment. She is feeling better but of course that will just be temporary.

Then with my mom being sick this opens up flood gates I had worked hard to keep closed. So many family relationships being forced back into my life. I kept them out for a reason but like had different ideas.

One good thing came from all of this and my brother and I are civil to each other and hopefully this continues. I got to meet my niece and nephew who are amazing!

Then I learned a friend has been lying to me for months and this causes me to worry about trust and openness within this friendship. I hope that this are going down the right path but I have to be honest with myself I have no idea if they are. I fear that the lies are continuing and I know this could make things worse if the lies continue.

Then the biggest change of all was leaving my county job and following my dream of opening my own practice. This has been a huge labor of love, fear, panic, and more recently anger. I should have though things through more and considered my options.

Now I have my amazing business and I am so excited to see where it goes, but I have come to realize that not everyone has the same views as I do about the business. I feel that some feel that this business is just going to be there to give them the time they want to do whatever without any effort and want to get the rewards that come with that. Now I fear that my stupid inability to recognize that some people are just not trust worthy or do not have the same drive as me will cost me everything I have been busting my ass for.

Just one more reminder that I was better off isolated and alone. At least then the only one who could hurt me was me. Trust is hard to give and I have given it to the wrong person again. This time I could cost me even more then my dignity!

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