Today I had a great day. It was busy at work and things continue to improve in that area. My mom continues to come to the office and do her best to help out myself and the business. Then it’s time to go home and things changed quickly.
My mom got a call from my brother. His biological father died over the weekend. At first all I could think was good I hope he suffered. This man made my life hell. This was my first abuser. He is where my life went off the rails for so long. So why did I feel the need to google and find his obituary. What did I think would come out of that. First thing I saw was his picture, and it sends me to a dark place. Then I continue to read farther big mistake!
You see when I was a child this man adopted me and while I am glad I no longer carry his name; it was hard to see that my brother was listed but I was not. My mom’s third husband adopted my brother and I both and never had any contact with him again on my part. I know my brother did, but I don’t know why I give a fuck that I was not listed. How does this asshole still have any power of me? I feel so weak and ridiculous to even care. When will that end. I fear going to sleep tonight because I know I have been triggered and will have a nightmare. Sometimes it works be easier to just give up!