It’s been two months since I saw your eyes. It’s been two months since I heard your voice It’s been two months since your last hug It’s been two months since the last I love you It’s been two months since I heard your laughter It’s been two months since I saw your smile. It’sContinue reading “Mom”
Category Archives: Uncategorized
Lost
I don’t know what or where I belong anymore. I am so lonely and have lost so much in the last few months. I have lost my mom and continue to struggle with who I am or what I do next. It was one lose but I keep losing more of the things that useContinue reading “Lost”
What Happens Next?
I find myself asking this question a lot in my life. It would be nice to have to think about what happens next. I do though and have to have a plan for anything that could come up. If I don’t plan I can prepare and if I can’t prepare my world will spin outContinue reading “What Happens Next?”
Time to Just Deal with it.
This has been a rough couple of months. I lost my mom April 12 and really was not prepared for it. While I knew it would be sometime in the near future due the cancer, I did not expect it to happen in a few short hours. At 11:30 Thursday I was. woke to myContinue reading “Time to Just Deal with it.”
Now what
I’m trying to figure out how to move forward and live with the knowledge that nothing will be the same again. I’m not sure things can ever be the same again. How does one learn to trust again? It’s even harder due to my trauma to find a way to trust again. Want to knowContinue reading “Now what”
Wish I Knew the Right Answer
My life has been crazy for the last few weeks. This is how I normally process, but I have been avoiding and trying to push everything down again. My therapist told me to get back on here because it has helped so much in the past. On April 12 I lost my amazing mom toContinue reading “Wish I Knew the Right Answer”
Defeated
This week has been very difficult. On Friday in woke to my mom screaming in pain. U bolted to her and she told me she hear a loud pop in her leg. I tried to move her and she just screamed. I had to call an ambulance and watch my mom in so much painContinue reading “Defeated”
PTSD can be a Real Bitch!
PTSD can make you feel alone in a room full of people. PTSD makes you think that those around you are not to be trusted. PTSD makes you question everything and everyone, even those who you shouldn’t. PTSD can make a person paranoid over the smallest things. This is something I still struggle with andContinue reading “PTSD can be a Real Bitch!”
The Big F* U
Sometimes the universe just give you the big fuck you all at once. That is what it feels like right now. Its stupid where my head is going but I just can’t stop it. I wrote a blog last night about my abuser dying. My first reaction was I hope the asshole suffered. Then IContinue reading “The Big F* U”
Always another hit!
Today I had a great day. It was busy at work and things continue to improve in that area. My mom continues to come to the office and do her best to help out myself and the business. Then it’s time to go home and things changed quickly. My mom got a call from myContinue reading “Always another hit!”
Never ends!
I continue to struggle with the little things lately. I struggle to smile and pretend. Lately I wake up and I hate everyone and everything. I find I have to isolate because really the only thing I want to do is punch someone. Does not even matter who the person is. I’m not sure howContinue reading “Never ends!”
Drowning!
I feel like my life is crushing me. I do not know where to turn anymore. I feel like I am one person and have to try and be 20 other people all at once. Every day I get it up and its a struggle. I do not know what the day will bring orContinue reading “Drowning!”
Usually no Regrets
How many of you reading this blog try to live your life with no regrets. I mean bad things happen, do I wish they did not happen of course; but if those things did not happen in life who would I be today. For so many years I just wished away my life. Nothing goodContinue reading “Usually no Regrets”
That Moment When You Say Why?
Have you ever lived with your head in the sand and suddenly realize that maybe things are not as you would like to think they are. Have you ever given so much of yourself to a person and then suddenly realize that it is all bullshit. It takes one moment to open your eyes andContinue reading “That Moment When You Say Why?”
Two days in!
It’s amazing to me how much I continue to learn about myself and those around me, even at my age. I want to continue and grow and more importantly I want to continue to be a stronger me. I am learning to be my own biggest support. I am learning that I have made aContinue reading “Two days in!”
